MMP #132: Savoury Layered and Coddled Feather-Trifle

SAVOURY LAYERED AND CODDLED FEATHER-TRIFLE

Equipment required:
viola (dressed in baby clothes)
bow
practice mute
2 pillow-cases (white)
4 tea-lights and lighter
tape-recorder containing cassette of relaxing, New-Agey music
cotton limbering gloves
white neutral towel (large enough to wrap viola in)
modesty napkin – approximately 12”x3” (large enough to cover viola’s bridge area)
large clear bowl
ruler
compass
white and yellow chalk
neutral tissues
sponge
blue felt strip – as long as the viola bow, 4” wide
greasing brush
4 pieces of pink ribbon – each 12” long
small mirror
ovum-beater (mechanical)
particle sieve
small bowl
miniature feedbag (with attachment string)
feather
slotted spoon (wooden)
moisture funnel
small clear jar
insulation film
rain hood
rain poncho
syringe
cotton balls (two colours)
tape-measure
protractor
pink ribbon shoulder-strap
cocktail sticks
sound bin

Abbreviations:
B bow or breath (bow when viola is implicated, breath when body)
s sound(s)
m mouthful
L lungful

Process melodies and motions:
All process melodies, ex. chalking mel. #46 [10B; 1000 types of white, dirty snow mulching, space and gaps] to be devised by performer for duration (in this case, 10B) and in manner described. The terms “play” “sing” and “melody” can have almost any meaning.

Process motions should also be devised by the performer. These motions are prosecuted using any part of either/both hand(s) and/or arm(s).

When equipment is discarded, it should be placed in the sound bin.

Directions:
1. Prepare relaxation zone. Steady and centre self, using the personal calisthenic means which are natural or necessary to you to achieve a still core. When this stillness has been achieved and regarded, turn to equipment and retrieve one pillow-case. As if moving liquidly through melted chocolate or caramel, unfold and smooth pillow-case into centre of table, imbibing calming breaths all the while, occasionally providing marshmallow-like air cover. When pillow-case is situated comfortably, place tea-lights at the four corners of the pillow-case and light them. Muster a cloying ooze from your bones, then emit and scoop handfuls of sweet air over each wick, teasing the deposits into long strings of caramel and letting these velvety skeins float down to the table. Breathe in the smell of burnt sugar. Begin playing sedative music on tape-recorder (dynamic soft and certainly unobtrusive), then stand back noiselessly, waiting for the viola’s appointment time while donning and neatening cotton limbering gloves, sinking into at least 5 private B, ruminating on cinnamon and ginger.

2. Disrobe instrument. Pad soundlessly to viola. Regard and speak to it sensitively in a soft murmur, explaining what is about to occur. Gently remove the clothing from the instrument, and enfold instrument in white neutral towel. Set instrument down, and take care to methodically fold each recently-removed garment, stacking the folded articles deftly together out of harm’s way. Lift viola to pillow-case, remove neutral towel, and lie viola flat in the centre of the pillow-case in the central zone, seamlessly shrouding its bridge area with a modesty napkin. Exhale, hold while silently naming the town and country you were born in, then resume normal breathing and begin prosecuting massage motions on the instrument, moving unhurriedly around the table, constantly keeping gentle contact between instrument and hands. These massage motions should include both strings and wood, mainly comprising fluid sweeping, swirling, stroking and kneading movements; these should follow the paths of favourite country paths, map out the inclines and sweeping contours of much-loved hills and mountains, and unfurl the knots of tangled underbrush in cherished forests. At a certain point turn the viola over, replacing the modesty napkin on its rear, resuming massage when settled. Be gentle and unrushed; do not wreck the viola’s spacey mellow buzz. Continue this massage for at least the duration of “The Man I Love” by George and Ira Gershwin. When full instrumental relaxation and release has been achieved, stand still, placing unmoving hands on instrument for 5B, soaking earthy peace into the instrument through your fingertips.

3. Enlist base. Blanket the viola with second pillow-case, subtly removing and discarding modesty napkin. Extinguish tea-lights using oral gusting, then discard. Remove gloves, halt the playing of the cassette and place tape-recorder and gloves carefully in sound bin. Slide bundled viola on pillow-case onto starboard (right) side of table. Retrieve large clear bowl and position in centre of table. Using ruler and compass, locate exact centre of base of bowl and use white chalk to mark centre with a tiny internationally-recognised glyph for the female gender, humming location mel. [5B; jittering and sweeping] throughout. Take up bow and wipe with neutral tissue, then place the tip of the metal screw of the bow on the centre of the bowl, holding bow straight up, at a right-angle to table. Check and verify the bow’s perpendicularity using ruler and protractor; when this has been established, delicately shrug the covering pillow-case from the viola and grasp the instrument around the hips with your right hand, enfolding it in your comforting embrace. Raise the viola, applying the sul ponticello string area to the tip of the bow. Holding the bow steady, over the next 13B very slowly move the viola down the bow, shifting the point of contact between sul ponticello and sul tasto, using the viola to write the names of all the rivers, oceans, lakes, ponds, reservoirs and other bodies of water you can think of on the bow. Provide constant air cover throughout, blowing gentle, steady washes over the point of contact between bow and viola. At 13B/when the viola has descended as far as it can go, deposit the viola on table and take up sponge. Wipe the bow down with sponge, removing any moist residue, wringing the sponge out in the bowl at conclusion. Lift bow from bowl, flick off any remaining drops, and place on neutral towel on table. Discard pillow-cases.

4. Bundle bow and apply infusion. Mop bow with neutral tissue then discard tissue (when mopping, do not rub vigorously or agitate bow – pat away wetness). Unroll strip of blue felt and position next to bow. Bring body to a benevolent halt, and remember soothing occasions and events from your life. Allow these memories to break gently on your skull like fragile eggs, cascading down over your face, the sweetest mucus you have ever known. When several memories have been recalled and reminisced over, gather quiet air into your body, then plop 3m salving s onto the middle of the felt. Use greasing brush to distribute salve over entire surface area of felt, covering the felt in slow-motion Pollock-esque lines. When distribution is complete, transfer bow to right edge of felt, then roll up bow in felt, softening the bundle via the prosecution of refining motions all the while. Fix the bundle by tying two pink ribbons around it in large floppy bows, binding the bow a few inches below tip and above frog, then add a further ribbon, tying it midway between the first two. Make a most tender package. Take up practice mute and place fondly on bridge of viola. Tie another pink ribbon around this practice mute, as if tying a ribbon around the soft ponytail of the girl-child you once were. Raise viola so that the instrument falls short of standard playing position, cradling it against chest/shoulder, and use felt-bundled bow to play infusing mel. #24 [18B; long, glossy dissolving, privately]. At conclusion of mel., set down viola and bow, then release bow from its felty binding, delicately unknotting the ribbons and peeling back the felt as if a bandage from a burn. Show the bow the results of the operation with a small mirror, explaining what has happened in a low voice. When bow is satisfied and ready, pat down the bow with a neutral tissue once more. Lift bow tenderly, safe-guarding its passage with left hand, and apply one slow down-bow to the ovum-beater. Distance bow, then insert ovum-beater in bowl and whip contents for 10B. Shake off ovum-beater and set to one side. Wipe any run-off from rim of bowl/table with neutral tissue. Detach practice mute from instrument and discard, along with felt and ribbons.

5. Mulch extraction. Place the sieve in the small bowl. Nudge and goad the viola toward front edge of table, positioning it such that the neck and scroll overhang the front of the table. Weight or bind instrument to surface as needed (you may wish to lie the instrument on padding); then fix the miniature feed-bag around the viola’s neck, allowing it to dangle beneath the scroll. Use bow to play chalking mel. #46 [10B; 1000 types of white, dirty snow mulching, space and gaps] on the (overhanging) scroll region of the instrument, involving all parts of the scroll, tuning pegs, sound-box and nut in the mel. At the conclusion of the mel., remove the feed-bag from the neck of the viola, and tip contents carefully into sieve, prosecuting stoned tour-manager guidance motions to ensure any stray air-borne particles are delivered to the sieve in a timely fashion. When the contents of the feed-bag have exited to the sieve, discard feed-bag, cover sieve with left hand and use right hand to shuffle the sieve in tiny tight circles for the duration of one chorus of a 1970s progressive rock song, guaranteeing atomization and the safe passage of all particles into the bowl. At conclusion, pause for a few B as particles settle, then release left hand, remove the sieve and discard.

6. Particle nourishment. Cradling the small bowl containing the particles in your hands, feel it house a tiny bird. Pause, careful not to scare the bird, and speak to if softly, assuring it no harm will come to it with low dulcet tones. Feel the shrill heartbeat and warmth within your palms. Summon up, masticate and thrust 2m goo s into the bowl, depositing each m into the throat of the contained bird. Rock the bowl gently for a few B, then take up feather and delicately stir the contents of the bowl into paste, tracing the flight-paths of birds of your childhood with the feather. Emit occasional oral avian chirrups. After at least 7B of tracing, put feather to rest, then float the bowl over the large clear bowl, hover momentarily, and suddenly invert it, dumping contents into large bowl, allowing splattering to occur if it must. Assure the large bowl that what just happened is actually good luck, then discard small bowl, and clear away any splatter from table top with neutral tissue. Use slotted spoon to dislodge any discharge from base of bowl, then roughly chop and blend contents of bowl for several B.

7. Wet flava explosion/injection. Place funnel in small jar and position near large bowl. Sheath scroll of viola with insulation film, allowing a substantial tail to trail off instrument. Mask wooden part of bow roughly with a wide piece of insulation film, checking that bow-hair is affected minimally by film. Don rain hood and poncho, assuring a slightly foppish look. Stand dejectedly, slightly apart from table, holding viola and bow, feeling a long day walking in soaking rain in the west of Ireland begin to really get to you. Realise that water is finally breaking through into your shoes, wetting the only pair of socks you have left. Rail at the depressing fact that all there is to do is pitch the tent in long, wringing wet grass, crawl in and hunch over dripping gear for the 5 remaining hours of daylight. Upon feeling sufficiently miserable, drag viola into normal playing position, placing frog of bow on lowest string. When you have gathered sufficient inner anger and irritation at yourself for having let him/her drag you out on this fucking lame camping trip in the first place, very very slowly draw the bow across the string, using your left hand to explode pizzicato from all 4 strings, spitting with fury and tiredness and dampness throughout the interminable and heavy down-bow. When down-bow is over, stand still, listening to the incessant dripping, feeling rivulets run down your face, contemplating how beautiful this might sound from the dry bed of a B&B. Set down viola, then bow the rim of the funnel (up-bow), extracting every drop of angry moisture into the jar via the funnel. Remove funnel, and introduce viola and jar to close proximity. Take up syringe, and fill to brim with the stoutly angry moisture from jar. Inject contents calmly into left sound-hole of instrument, whispering occasional irritated apologies. Re-fill syringe with angry moisture from jar, then inject into right sound-hole. Re-fill and inject contents of syringe into sound-holes a further 4 times (2 per side). Then set syringe down, and use cotton balls to clean and block sound-holes, plugging each hole snugly with cotton balls of different colours. Holding viola flat (parallel to table), lift and begin to tilt and swirl the instrument, shifting the fluid contained within it into alignment and blending it together, shimmying the instrument as if it is the hips of a heavily-pregnant ex-showgirl in Las Vegas, her faded beauty bleeding through the night. Continue this shimmying for the duration of one violent shooting montage from a mafia movie of your choice. To conclude, drift viola leadenly to table, remove the cotton balls, then elevate once more and tip contents of viola into the large clear bowl, shaking any shy and clinging droplets into the bowl gently, and using optical checks to ensure the instrument has been fully evacuated.

8. Pete and Keith treatment. Discard syringe, cotton balls, funnel and jar. Remove rain hood and poncho. Detach insulation film from scroll of viola and discard. Take up tape-measure and protractor and establish a spot 2 metres away from the centre of the large bowl, at a 5 degree angle to the horizontal of the table. Take time to be exacting. Mark this spot on the floor with yellow chalk, drawing an internationally-recognised glyph for the male gender. Ruggedly affix shoulder-strap to viola, then scoop on and wear viola low, draped across your body like the sexiest and most-amped electric guitar your teenage imagination can conjure. Move to chalk-marked spot and plant your feet on each side of it (in a rock-god-type posture), positioning the bridge of the viola directly above the spot. Again, take time to be exacting - all sound you make should be channeled toward the large clear bowl, from this specific location. Settle into self and appropriate the persona-construct of Pete Townsend as mythologised by one million dance-floor air guitarists through the years. When this persona has been sufficiently summoned, play a rough approximation of The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” making sure to imbue your playing with the blazing spirit of Pete Townsend, focusing on the windmill move, supplemented by assorted jumpings and thrashings, etc. After one final windmill, pause and regain breath, then disrobe viola, set down, and move to bowl. Take up cocktail sticks and stand in front of the large clear bowl, again assuming wide-legged rock-god stance. Begin to hear the intro of “I Can See For Miles” by The Who, and simultaneously see the tiny hamster-sized drum kit taking form within the bowl. Feel your body begin to throb with the desire to insert flailing and splattered fills over the windmilling guitar and bass parts. Lean slowly forward, and play the drum-parts of “I Can See For Miles” on this Lilliputian kit using the cocktail sticks, inserting any additional fills and drum parts you wish.

9. Termination/Departure. After the fade-out, pause as the tape in your head clicks to an end, then rise from rock-god stance, wipe brow and catch your breath, imbibing refreshing fluids as required. Toss the cocktail sticks to the imaginary joyous audience of hamsters who have been observing you rocking out on their drum-kit. Turn finally to the bowl, regarding the glossy aggregate contained within. Stretch and flex your hands, feeling tiny residual drum-particles move down to your fingertips over 4B. Flick these particles off your fingers onto the mass in the large bowl. Clean your hands on a neutral tissue and discard. Lift the large bowl, now heavy with various layers, and present. The drummer has left the building.